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today i got injected with more radioactive dye, waited in a f-f-freezing cold waiting room, and then lay around while a massive machine took pictures of my heart. awesome. and i already got the results back...everything (physically) in my heart is a-okay.
and then i went up to the oncology department to check in with the oncology social worker. the best thing is that because he is based in oncology and not the mental health services department...he's free! he was very good to talk to. and he has a daughter named meghan. so there's that. and it's nice to be on the receiving end of social work. maybe everyone should be talking to a social worker and doing self breast exams constantly.
so.
monday morning i go back to the oncology department to watch a video on what to expect during chemo. then all day long my brother drives down here from montana. :)
then tuesday. tuesday's big. 8am.
the social worker told me a bit more about what i could expect...based on typical people. he said the first 3-5 days after chemo you are amped up on steroids. the next 5 days you plummet...he kept making an unsettling hand gesture like a very steep roller coaster fall. you fall into ridiculously extreme fatigue. he said it's not like your typical hard-day-at-the-office fatigue. it's often like you just can't get out of bed fatigue. and then you start to come out of that...and then you start to feel much much better. your best days are your days right before your next injection.
so...there's that to look forward to, i guess.
i'm psyched.
just like before surgery, there is so much to do before chemo!
they highly recommend getting your teeth cleaned before chemo because once you start chemo you can't go to the dentist - for risk of infection. so. i made an appointment and went in yesterday. it was great...just what i want to be doing is hearing scraping, scratching, pulling of the dentist's office. but...it ended up being an awesome experience.
my dentist came in. asked me about my medical issues. i told him the c-word. he said...oh...uh...my cousin has cancer. not breast cancer. but bladder cancer. (end of conversation.)
but then the dental hygenist came in. she said, hi, i've had chemo, too. she told me had ONE YEAR of radiation and A YEAR AND A HALF of chemo. insane. i asked her for tips for getting through it...even though hers was so much more intense. she had the coolest ideas. she suggested going to get paint and huge pieces of paper. even though she never did before, she painted every single day. painted out her emotions so they wouldn't become toxic inside of her. she also created a cement box where she would keep glass bottles. on days that she got really angry, she would break the bottles inside the box, then paint about it, then laugh about it. she also suggested writing down bad thoughts, sad thoughts and putting them inside a jar and sticking the jar in the freezer - so you knew where they were, but so they were sealed up and away from you.
she had the best energy. she was so sweet. and her ideas were so cool.
i'm really glad i went to the dentist. but how come hygenists are ALWAYS cooler than the dentist themselves?
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and so today to get prepared i am going to have a heart test. that takes an hour. my new oncologist said that she's more neurotic than the old one...so she'd just like to make sure my heart is working perfectly before pumping nasty chemicals into it. and then i get to meet with the oncology social worker - to check in about how i'm handling all of this.
should be good.
it's true that a score of 17 still puts me in the low-risk category.
the problem is that i'm 32. (here we go again...it's as if being 32 and having small boobs is the worst thing in the world.)
the test was developed using people who typically have breast cancer. less than 10% of the people in the original research were under 40. therefore, people/oncologists are very scared about putting all their eggs into the oncotype dx basket for me. so two of the three oncologists who consulted about my case said they would feel comfortable not giving me chemo if my score was significantly less than 10. 17 is definitely not significantly less than 10.
the good news...as if there feels like there can be good news...is that i am still technically in the low-risk group. so, as my cousin steve says, that meas 17 is a pretty good number in terms of my overall outlook whichever treatment i elect.
but it's still completely traumatizing. to lose my hair. to be nauseous. to have low energy. to feel unsure about going out in public. to feel neurotic about taking my temperature - always needing it to be less than 100. to worry about chemo's effect on my heart, my lungs, my ovaries.
talk about being 32. this is too much for a 32 year old to handle.
...17.thanks for nothing, oncotype dx.
chemo starts tuesday.
:(
please only think of really low numbers - like 1.
okay, i hate to sound like a broken record but...
come on, ladies, time for the monthly reminder to do your self breast exams.
it's been two months since i received my diagnosis.
by now you should have all done at least two exams.
(i realize many of you have already done about 60.)
important things to remember:
1) best time to do them is a few days after your period
2) important to look in the mirror for changes
3) important to choose a technique that works for you - circular, lines, wedges
4) you're looking for changes. if you're not sure, make an appointment with your dr.
5) DO THEM EVERY MONTH. it's not prevention.
but it could potentially save your life if you catch it early.
6) i'm serious about this.
here's a new link for some variety:
http://www.acog.org/publications/patient_education/bp145.cfm
so this test supposedly takes 10-14 business days.
as of today there have been 10 business days of waiting.
the first 9 were okay.
now i'm just getting annoyed.
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