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i've been looking through my spam folder lately. cause i'm desperate that i'll miss an extremely important job or apartment email from someone.
this is the random spam i found today.
subject: Fw: meghankearney Stop Being Bald!
well, since the trials and tribulations of breast cancer and reconstruction are currently on hold..i'm thinking about writing about the trials and tribulations of finding housing in san francisco.
everything is ridiculously expensive. originally i wanted to be picky about neighborhoods, price, roommates. but it's looking like beggars with dogs can't be choosers. although...when i relate some of these stories to you...you might tell me that i'm going to have to be choosy.
so.
first place i looked at was this cute 3 bedroom house with two women in their 30s. they would accept dogs. the house was half a block from the dog park. one of the women is a french pastry chef. dangerous. i'm waiting to hear back from them.
the other day i responded to an ad on craigslist. two "mature" women were looking for someone fun to share their house with. well. i called the number. talked to susan. turns out she's 53. her roommate is 61. and in the casual conversation we had she told me that they were looking for someone responsible. they had lived with a guy for 2 weeks and then kicked him out because when she was going through his papers in his room (???!!) she found papers indicating he had a case against him in small claims court for owing his landlord $6000. susan told me she would love for me to come look at the place. but i made some extremely fast excuse that it wouldn't really make sense to look at a place if the two dogs couldn't meet.
so then last night i went to look at another place from craigslist. veronica had a room in her house in bernal heights. her ad said the roommate must like small dogs. so. i walk up to house and who is peeking out at me from the front window but two yapping chihuahuas. she had locked them up in her room because they don't like new people. she, again, was in her 50s. and she was burning incense in the house...some rose-y, vanilla scent that was so bad i could feel a headache coming on. another woman was looking at the apartment the same time i was. she was 24. just moved to sf. had blue eye shadow and an eyebrow ring. had her degree in sound engineering. and when the older woman told us there could absolutely never be drugs or alcohol in the house...that she would have us sign a legal document agreeing that she could kick us out of the house if there was the littlest sign of either..the 24 year old pretty much bolted. i ended up leaving, too. and the whole drive home i couldn't get away from the rose-y, vanilla incense.
ug.
so now i'm back to square one. looking at craigslist every 30 seconds. hoping for the perfect situation. dreading having to meet more crazies in the process. shouldn't life after breast cancer be easier than this?
when changes rain, they apparently pour.
i felt i had to give a bit of an update because it's been so long since my last post. and so much has changed.
big news.
i officially quit my job and i am leaving denver for san francisco. i am currently looking on craigslist every 30 seconds - looking for a perfect job and a "reasonably priced" apartment that will accept a dog. very, very difficult. but...it's also been very fun. i've been spending a lot of time with my extremely generous friends gretchen and spencer - sleeping on their couch. i've been spending time with emily who was visiting from new zealand. and i've been spending time with the california side of my family. and they have been feeding me, lending me a car, and entertaining me. it's been really, really nice.
it's all completely insane. way too many changes and struggles for one person in such a short amount of time. but. the switch to california feels like a good decision. being just a few miles from the pacific ocean is really, really nice.
so. if ANYONE has ANY social work or apartment connections in san francisco, please let me know. i'm open to anything.
amazing.
it's been 6 months since i got my diagnosis.
so much has happened in the last 6 months i can't even really process it. and so many new things will happen in the coming 6 months...and i really can't process all of that stuff either.
but.
important time to remember to do your monthly breast exams, right?
and i know that many of you have been asking about my hair. so. my plan is to take regular pictures and post them on the blog. that is...once i get comfortable with the idea of my pale, whiffle-head put up on the internet. i never lost all of my hair. never a totally bald head. and now it's a patchy, 1 cm whiffle...and the hair is very, very, very pale - almost white. cute, right? so...maybe once it grows a little bit more and i'm a little more comfortable with it, i'll share the pics. something for you all to look forward to. :)
...before i can really start to put this definitely-not-fun year behind me.i cannot wait for 2008.cannot wait.
it's christmas eve and i feel sentimental about our old christmas eve traditions.
we used to all trek 2 blocks to the smiths' house for dinner. for the best years, the kids were banished to the kids' table in the kitchen where everything was much more fun. we had fish chowder then graduated to lasagna. we all opened presents. we sang christmas carols while stanley played the piano. everyone involved remembers it all so fondly that it's kind of heartbreaking that we don't do it anymore. there was an exodus from salem to the west.
those were the days.
and here i am thinking a lot about this past year. god. what is there to say?
the surgery and the chemo are behind me. there are so many changes ahead. so much to think about. so much to reconsider.
what i want to say and what i want to make as clear as i possibly can is that there is no way in hell i could've gotten through this 6-month stretch without all of you. your visits. your advice. your thoughts. your prayers. asking others to pray for me. the most thoughtful packages ever. the flowers. your calls. your messages. your letters. your paintings. the advent calendar. the hair cutting. the gelato. the outpouring, as i've said before, has been completely overwhelming.
and just to know that so many of you read what i write. check all the time. think of me all the time.
i am so used to being a social worker, listening to and helping others for so much of my days. all of this help and caring and thoughtfulness and genuine genuine love just sends me over the edge into puddles of tears. in an amazing way. and as much as i've been able to communicate through this blog...i really don't think i can verbalize how important you all have been for me. for my healing. for my sanity. for everything.
so. thank you.
and merry christmas.
and i cannot wait for 2008.
it's going to be so. much. better. than 2007.
xxoo
well, i'm finally starting to feel better. i'm not too nauseous. not too tired. not too achy. and so far, the potential side effect of the neupogen shots - bone pain, hasn't hit me. so i have two more shots to go and then i'm officially done with everything related to chemo. 2 more!
the other good news is that my disability payments FINALLY went through. i've been waiting since september. and finally, with the help of my dr. and social worker, everything got figured out. even though it's not so much money, it's SUCH a relief. with my insurance payments, my medical bills - nevermind food and mortgage...it was getting pretty ridiculous.
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