This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
-Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi 1207-1273, written in 1230
Monday, May 12, 2008
23 weeks post chemo...
my friend of 15 years, jessica arnold, came to sf this weekend for a wedding. an added bonus of our trip to the marin headlands is that i finally have some pictures of my hair from the front!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Saturday, May 10, 2008
summertime...
with two water-related long weekends planned and the summer quickly approaching...i decided to start looking for an appropriate bathing suit. i thought it would be somewhat easy. i thought i could find something. but no. instead it sends me spiraling towards depression.
this particular comment from a dr. on breastcancer.org was especially unhelpful:
"Finding a flattering bathing suit is a challenge for just about any woman! "
what i tend to forget is that breast cancer related things tend to be designed for older women. apparently older women who have had mastectomies like bathing suits with little skirts or low-rise legs. and ridiculous patterns. i have found SOME bathing suits that i MIGHT actually be caught dead in...but then i see that they are best for size B/C cup or they start at size 10 or 12. or they are $140.
can you imagine me lounging around the pool in vegas in THESE?

...or imagine if this could work???!!!
this particular comment from a dr. on breastcancer.org was especially unhelpful:
"Finding a flattering bathing suit is a challenge for just about any woman! "
what i tend to forget is that breast cancer related things tend to be designed for older women. apparently older women who have had mastectomies like bathing suits with little skirts or low-rise legs. and ridiculous patterns. i have found SOME bathing suits that i MIGHT actually be caught dead in...but then i see that they are best for size B/C cup or they start at size 10 or 12. or they are $140.
can you imagine me lounging around the pool in vegas in THESE?

...or imagine if this could work???!!!
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
farmed fish...ick...
as a result of my food obsession, my friend, emily leary, suggested i read marion nestle's book called, "what to eat: an aisle-by-aisle guide to savvy food choices and good eating."
this is what i found on page 208:
"farmed salmon...are raised like cattle in feedlots. they are confined in pools of antibiotics, pesticides, chemicals, and wastes, which then spill the equivalent of raw sewage into local waters. if the fish escape - which millions invariably do every year - they can end up in the wrong ocean (atlantic salmon in the pacific northwest, for example), compete for resources, and spread diseases like sea lice to wild fish, and when the mate with wild fish, change the genetic basis of the population..."
yuck.yuck.yuck.
there is a lot more information in the fish chapters of her book. big fish eating littler fish and all about PCBs (polychlorinated biphenyls).
the most important stuff, though, seems to be:
avoid eating shark, swordfish, king mackeral, and tilefish - to avoid all the mercury they have in them. the fda suggests pregnant women should NEVER eat these fish. and they suggest only eating albacore tuna once a week...but if pregnant women shouldn't eat them, should the rest of rest assured that we'll be just fine?
marion nestle suggests "you can safely eat farmed salmon from chile and washington state, but you should avoid farmed salmon if it comes from more polluted places like scotland and the faroe islands. you can get rid of about half the PCBs in farmed salmon by following these steps: score the flesh; grill or broil the salmon until it reaches an internal temperature of 175 degrees and the juices run off; and remove the skin before eating."
or just always try to make sure your fish is wild caught.
for more information on which fish are safe to eat (both for yourself and the environment) check here:
http://www.seafoodchoices.com/smartchoices/findseafood.php
another good resource is thefishlist.org that gives you a very simple list of fish to "enjoy" and fish to "avoid."
(but right now it seems like the site is having some problems...)
and for a pocket-sized guide...
http://www.edf.org/documents/1980_pocket_seafood_selector.pdf
this is what i found on page 208:
"farmed salmon...are raised like cattle in feedlots. they are confined in pools of antibiotics, pesticides, chemicals, and wastes, which then spill the equivalent of raw sewage into local waters. if the fish escape - which millions invariably do every year - they can end up in the wrong ocean (atlantic salmon in the pacific northwest, for example), compete for resources, and spread diseases like sea lice to wild fish, and when the mate with wild fish, change the genetic basis of the population..."
yuck.yuck.yuck.
there is a lot more information in the fish chapters of her book. big fish eating littler fish and all about PCBs (polychlorinated biphenyls).
the most important stuff, though, seems to be:
avoid eating shark, swordfish, king mackeral, and tilefish - to avoid all the mercury they have in them. the fda suggests pregnant women should NEVER eat these fish. and they suggest only eating albacore tuna once a week...but if pregnant women shouldn't eat them, should the rest of rest assured that we'll be just fine?
marion nestle suggests "you can safely eat farmed salmon from chile and washington state, but you should avoid farmed salmon if it comes from more polluted places like scotland and the faroe islands. you can get rid of about half the PCBs in farmed salmon by following these steps: score the flesh; grill or broil the salmon until it reaches an internal temperature of 175 degrees and the juices run off; and remove the skin before eating."
or just always try to make sure your fish is wild caught.
for more information on which fish are safe to eat (both for yourself and the environment) check here:
http://www.seafoodchoices.com/smartchoices/findseafood.php
another good resource is thefishlist.org that gives you a very simple list of fish to "enjoy" and fish to "avoid."
(but right now it seems like the site is having some problems...)
and for a pocket-sized guide...
http://www.edf.org/documents/1980_pocket_seafood_selector.pdf
Friday, April 25, 2008
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
9 months
i was diagnosed 9 months and 1 week ago.
have you done 9 months and 1 week's worth of self beast exams?
9 months and 1 week's worth of changing your eating or buying habits?
9 months and 1 week's worth of opening your windows to let in the breeze as often as you can?
these are the changes i have made:
i always buy organic apples and spinach.
i always buy organic dairy - milk, cream, yogurt, cheese, and cottage cheese.
i look at all beauty products to avoid parabens and my lotion is fragrance free.
i have an aluminum water bottle that i use all the time.
and yesterday i bought seventh generation glass cleaner and bathtub cleaner for the same price as the walgreens brand.
see? it's really not that hard.
have you done 9 months and 1 week's worth of self beast exams?
9 months and 1 week's worth of changing your eating or buying habits?
9 months and 1 week's worth of opening your windows to let in the breeze as often as you can?
these are the changes i have made:
i always buy organic apples and spinach.
i always buy organic dairy - milk, cream, yogurt, cheese, and cottage cheese.
i look at all beauty products to avoid parabens and my lotion is fragrance free.
i have an aluminum water bottle that i use all the time.
and yesterday i bought seventh generation glass cleaner and bathtub cleaner for the same price as the walgreens brand.
see? it's really not that hard.
i am not my hair
i used to use the india.arie song, "i am not my hair," with the middle school girls i worked with. trying to help them see there was more to them than their appearance.
well, it turns out i never really registered the entire song.
i heard it the other day and just sat there with my jaw on the floor...
here's the part that stopped me dead in my track:s
"...i am not my hair
i am not this skin
i am not your expectations no
i am not my hair
i am not this skin
i am a soul that lives within
does the way i wear my hair make me a better person?
does the way i wear my hair make me a better friend?
does the way i wear my hair determine my integrity?
i am expressing my creativity
breast cancer and chemotherapy
took away her crown and glory
she promised god if she was to survive
she would enjoy everyday of her life
her diamond eyes are sparkling
bald headed like a full moon shining
singing out to the whole wide world like hey...
i am not my hair
i am not this skin
i am not your expectations no
i am not my hair
i am not this skin
i am a soul that lives within..."
supposedly, india.arie wrote the last part of the song after watching the grammys in 2005. there she watched melissa etheridge perform bald after going through a lumpectomy and chemo for breast cancer. india.arie said, "her performance brought tears to my eyes. at that moment in time, her performance was a juxtaposition of pain and beauty. it symbolized the beauty of strength."

grammys: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_j3TDhc8vY
india.arie's video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZd1KeZhjfU
well, it turns out i never really registered the entire song.
i heard it the other day and just sat there with my jaw on the floor...
here's the part that stopped me dead in my track:s
"...i am not my hair
i am not this skin
i am not your expectations no
i am not my hair
i am not this skin
i am a soul that lives within
does the way i wear my hair make me a better person?
does the way i wear my hair make me a better friend?
does the way i wear my hair determine my integrity?
i am expressing my creativity
breast cancer and chemotherapy
took away her crown and glory
she promised god if she was to survive
she would enjoy everyday of her life
her diamond eyes are sparkling
bald headed like a full moon shining
singing out to the whole wide world like hey...
i am not my hair
i am not this skin
i am not your expectations no
i am not my hair
i am not this skin
i am a soul that lives within..."
supposedly, india.arie wrote the last part of the song after watching the grammys in 2005. there she watched melissa etheridge perform bald after going through a lumpectomy and chemo for breast cancer. india.arie said, "her performance brought tears to my eyes. at that moment in time, her performance was a juxtaposition of pain and beauty. it symbolized the beauty of strength."

grammys: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_j3TDhc8vY
india.arie's video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZd1KeZhjfU
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