18 hours later...

i feel like i have so much to share. where to start?

well.

i ran around like a lunatic on monday and tuesday. trying to get everything done before surgery and before taking a week and a half from work. there was so much to do. which, in a way, was good because i didn't have any time to start worrying. so tuesday night my mom flew in from colorado. we went to get thai food in the rain. and then completely passed out. although, it took me a while to pass out, actually. the anxiety did start to kick in right before bed.

then my mom and i drove to kaiser in south san francisco. got there at 930. everything was on schedule for 1130 surgery. and then...dear lord...i lay waiting in the pre-op room for FIVE HOURS. no one gave us any updates. no one really paid attention to us. i just lay there with an IV, alternately whining and complaining to my mom about how bored and starving i was - i wasn't allowed to eat anything aftermidnight the night before...so it was going on 15 hours without food or water. whining. whining. whining.

the nice part of it was that i fell in love with three anesthesiologists and, again, my surgeon. the anesthesiologist who lives two doors down from me came to introduce me to another anesthesiologist who lives across the street from us. they were so nice and entertaining. and suggested we should've just done this in our neighborhood. the surgeon commented that it might be better to have lunch in our neighborhood instead.

then about 4 hours later i met dr. kong, my own anesthesiologist who i promptly fell in love with. he was so nice and so sweet. and he totally tricked me. he was all talking to me about what kind of music i'd like to listen to in the surgery room. offered anything but rap or country. suggested they were most recently playing talking heads. i told him i thought that was great. and after that i don't remember a single thing. he totally tricked me. i had no idea he was putting me to sleep.

then i woke up to dr. simonds, my surgeon, asking me if i had read a textbook before the surgery because it was a completely textbook surgery. good line, dr. simonds.

it took me a while to wake up fully. a lot of bells and beeps telling the nurses that i wasn't breathing deep enough. vicodin for the pain. cranberry juice for the sore throat. and finally i felt well enough, alert enough to start the process of getting out of the hospital.

long story, huh?

anyway, we got home around 7pm. a full, full day. i was groggy. not in too much pain. i have a "pain booster" attached to my stomach that's regularly putting something like novocaine into the surgery site. and i'm taking vicodin every 4 hours. and antibiotics 4x a day.

it's hard to describe how i feel. weird. still sort of surreal. i am totally wrapped up in an ace bandage so i really don't know how much body looks right now. and the pain booster is doing a pretty good job. and my mom is doing a pretty good job of bringing me coffee and oatmeal and water and walking kitty and keeping me company. (i'm sure you can all imagine that as soon as i'm feeling up to it, the scrabble games will begin.)

so. that's it, i guess. we are at my apartment in sf. friday morning i have an appointment to take out the pain booster. then we'll drive down to los gatos to spend a week at my aunt and uncle's house. and my sweet, sweet friends have all made plans to come hang out with me to keep me from going out of my mind while i sit around.

so, that's it.
the next step is that in about 3 weeks the surgeon will start pumping me up. he'll pump me up every 2-3 weeks until i've reached size kkk. and then i'll be scheduled to get the final implants...probably in about...3-4 months.

so, there you go.
thank you for all your emails and calls and notes. so far, my favorite card has been from my aunt, susan: (front) "i've found a great new diet: the grapefruit diet..." (inside) "you put a couple of grapefruits in your sweater and everything seems a lot more proportional."

xoxo

love these ladies...and a hair update.

my hair has now been growing for 13 months.

size 38kkk!!!!!

28-year-old Sheyla Hershey of Brazil is the proud owner of the world's largest breasts -- with a staggering, life-threatening, and unfortunately-named bra size of 38KKK.

In May, ABC News reported that Hershey's breasts were 34 FFF after eight surgeries and one gallon of silicone. But she wasn't done yet. On her way to achieving her dream, she encountered certain roadblocks, like Texas law. The state limits the amount of silicone that one person put in their body because the implants could kill her. So she headed to Brazil, which has no such restrictions, and walked away with the breasts of her dreams.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/02/04/worlds-biggest-breasts-sh_n_163992.html

pre-op

today i had three appointments. with a nurse practicitioner. with an anesthesioloist. and with my surgeon. everyone's into getting me ready for wednesday.

two interesting things happened.

1) i walked into my anesthesiologist's office and the first thing she said was, "i think we live on the same block!" turns out she lives two houses down from me. and i see her and her kids and her beagle named barney all the time.

2) did i write about how my surgeon's nurse scheduled a post-surgery appointment for me on friday the 13th to take out my drain?
a drain?!?!

well. cely (pronounced see-lee) is the sweetest woman ever. she's about 4'5" and her outfits are all one color. the first time i met her everything she wore was purple...including her socks and her hair tie. today everything she wore was pink. including her socks, her hair tie, her ring, and her bracelet.

anyway.

she's so sweet. but with that one word, "drain," she incited 5 days of panic. i thought i would have another one of those horrible tube drains that i had from the mastectomy. the one that made me cry. the one that got clogged with blood and gunk. it was so gross. i seriously had 5 nights of sleeplessness thanks to one word.

so. what happened today felt like hearts and rainbows and unicorns compared to that. dr. simonds told me that i actually wouldn't have a drain. that what she'd meant was a small, small tube the size of spaghetti. this is inserted into the surgery area to supply direct pain killers...almost like novacain. and it's this little tiny noodley thing that they will take out on friday the 13th NOT some crazy gross drain filled with pus.

thank.
GOD.

i told dr. simonds that by telling me that, he'd just melted away all anxiety that i had about the surgery. he kind of looked at me like i was crazy. but he was definitely amused.

anyway, i'm all scheduled. wednesday february 11th. i already have my prescriptions of vicodin and antibiotics. all i have left to do is call the surgery-line on tuesday afternoon to find out the exact time of my surgery.

so now? now it's time for me to start packing for tahoe.
who better to hang out with the weekend before surgery than all of 1050 oak?










actually, all of 1050 minus steve slattery and the ghost.

almost there...

well, i've started to have anxiety dreams about it so i thought maybe it'd be time to put it out there on the blog.

i am officially set for the first stage of my reconstruction on wednesday february 11th. eeeeeeeek.

i have three appointments with a nurse, an anesthesiologist, and the surgeon on february 5th. to be sure that i'm prepped. then tuesday the 10th my mom will fly in from colorado. she's offered to come help me during the recovery...walking kitty, feeding me, putting puzzles together with me, driving me places...i'm sure there will be some scrabble, too...all in between house-sitting for my aunt and uncle and taking care of their dog, their cat, and my cousin's two cats. *phew* seems like a lot of work for someone who's retired!

anyway, my recovery period should be about a week to ten days. so my mom and i will stay down in los gatos for about that much time. relaxing in a beautiful house with beautiful views. trying not to move.

i still have a few questions lurking around.
last wednesday i met with my friend vaidya's cousin - who, turns out, is a breat reconstruction specialist in the east bay. i emailed with him and then he suggested i come meet with him for a consultation. he was SO sweet and spent over an hour explaining all my options.

i came away feeling, honestly, a little overwhelmed. mostly because he told me that actually he COULD probably make my new right boob as "small" as my current left. EVERYONE else has said they couldn't. so it really threw me...i had it so set in my head that the sweet boob job i was going to get was mandatory. which made it okay. but now that it doesn't seem completely mandatory...it makes the entire procedure feel more elective. i've spent a lot of time talking to friends and family about this new dilemma...but i just can't get the feeling out of my head. i KNOW i want this surgery. it just seems to bring up so many more thoughts and feelings now that i might have the option to only have surgery on one side.

*sigh*

now to try to get these thoughts out of my head so that i'll be able to sleep tonight.

another milestone

this is a totally gross sounding milestone but bear with me.

my hair started growing back about 51 weeks ago. that's not the milestone but...what has finally started happening is that i finally have long enough hair to get caught in the hair-trap in the shower. so weird but seeing that hair at the end of my shower has made me smile everyday for the last week.

it's totally the little things.

2009

i am sitting in the sun with kitty at my feet after a morning crossfit workout and breakfast with gretchen. and i am so satisfied. so satisfied with my life right now.

i've been talking a lot about the changes since last year. and i remember the one thing i was feeling last year on december 31st, 2007 was this desperation. a desperate desperation to have the year change from 2007 to 2008. i needed a new year. and this year, december 31st, 2008...i felt calm and satisfied and happy. gretchen and i broke into 2009 on the #38 bus, the driver saying something about new years with no one else really reacting. but it didn't matter to me because i just felt happy.

work is great. great kids, great families.
i love my apartment and my neighborhood and my roommates.
i love going to crossfit in the mornings - except this morning i had to use my ice scraper on the windshield.
i love being so close to some great people in my family.
and seeing great friends all the time.

it's all so.much.better.
let me repeat.
so.much.better.

:)

and i have a new boob to look forward to. it looks like february 11th might be the day.