so.so.tired

do you think my mom will come back to take care of me again?

good and bad

well. it's GOOD that i decided to take another day off from work to continue to recover.

but it's BAD that physically i felt i HAD to. :(

boo hoo.

both vaidya's cousin and dr. simonds told me the majority of people are totally fine after 7-10 days. no problem. i was thinking because i'm relatively, because i'm active and strong that i would make a miraculous recovery. 7 days. NO problem.

boo hoo.

here i am day 12. still on the couch in pain.

i had thought i'd be able to go back to work. i thought it might be a little difficult. but i thought i could do it. but today? yuck. no way. it hurts to IMAGINE riding the bus? sitting in meetings for hours? riding another bus to the other office? sitting with clients and fully paying attention to them instead of my own stinging pain? oy. i'm ready to be done with this.

ouch.

hiccups really hurt after reconstruction surgery.

i've had them off and on for 2 days.

i think i can i think i can

well, yesterday was the biggest day yet.

as a valentines day sweet treat for my mom and me, my dad gave us pedicures. so yesterday my mom and i went to the nail salon in downtown los gatos to get manicures and pedicures. it was so nice and relaxing. so nice to be pampered. and now i feel extra cute...with my "fishnet stockings red" toes.

it was a bit of a wake-up call, though. turns out i can walk about as fast as a turtle. i felt a little silly among the hustle and bustle of downtown los gatos...and here i am creeping along...barely crossing the street in enough time.

we were out for a total of 2 1/2 hours and i came home and could not keep my eyes open. i wasn't really in too much pain. but i was exhausted.

but then we were both cheered up by a visit from cassie green. cassie green who grew up on cambridge street with us. cassie green who i haven't seen in probably 20 years. cassie green who now has a beautiful 10-month old ava.

it was so nice to see her. and to find out that we're in the same profession.
it's nice to have those connections that, no matter how long you go without seeing someone, you still feel connected just cause you grew up on the same street.


and so far today?...i haven't felt any serious pain...10 days a charm?

one step forward

*breath*

okay. i actually slept through the night last night. no serious pain. and my doctor finally called me back this morning and told me that all of this is normal. he suggested a change in the way i take my meds. and it just felt so soothing to talk to him. he's such a nice guy.

so.

now that i have a new meds plan, i'm feeling much better. more relaxed. and in way less pain. i had been up to about a 7 1/2 on the pain scale. right now it feels about a 2.

and it's a beautiful day. so, day nine, things are looking up.

boring

god, it's so boring to write about pain and to be in pain. it was much more fun to write about all the good stuff. wah.

well, yesterday i spoke to an on-call surgery doc about my pain. he was dismissive. which felt really nice.
he finally listened to me and agreed to prescribe me something more powerful. so my nice mom drove to kaiser to pick up my new prescription. i took my first dose at 3:30pm. and from about 8:30-10:30pm, i was in tons of pain again. after taking my second dose at 9:30pm, i was in serious pain from 3:30-5:30am. uggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.

so now i'm waiting for my favorite dr. simonds to call me back. to tell me what to do. cause i'm SO.SICK. of feeling like this.

ug

i've spent the last 20 hours trying to both be able to describe my pain and will it away.
if i just don't move, don't breathe, will it go away? no.
if i take the vicodin a little before hour 4 will it go away? no.
i can't do any of my normal things to make my body feel better. no stretching. no working out. no curling up in a ball on the couch. it suckssss.

i've been in so much pain for the last 24 hours and i can't figure out why. i was finally able to take my first shower on sunday afternoon. and i'm worried that might have done me in...the rule is that i wear the tightest of tight ace bandages for 4-6 weeks. i can only take it off when i shower. and, at least to me right now, the new moral of the story is: no showers for 4-6 weeks.

ever since that shower, ever since i took off the ace bandage, i've felt this searing pain. it's not the incision site. it's the empty implant. i feel stinging all around it. and every once in a while, i feel this searing pain like a combination of hydrogen peroxide on a cut and a burning metal dowel stuck into my new breast mound. it hurts to breathe. and because it hurts to breathe, i'm all light-headed cause i'm trying not to breathe. it hurts to move. and i'm really upset about it. :(

the good news, though, is that i slept for 14 hours last night, interrupted only every 4 hours to take my vicodin.

will somebody just come deal with this for me? :)