just a few more hours...

...before i can really start to put this definitely-not-fun year behind me.
i cannot wait for 2008.
cannot wait.

it's christmas eve

it's christmas eve and i feel sentimental about our old christmas eve traditions.

we used to all trek 2 blocks to the smiths' house for dinner. for the best years, the kids were banished to the kids' table in the kitchen where everything was much more fun. we had fish chowder then graduated to lasagna. we all opened presents. we sang christmas carols while stanley played the piano. everyone involved remembers it all so fondly that it's kind of heartbreaking that we don't do it anymore. there was an exodus from salem to the west.

those were the days.

and here i am thinking a lot about this past year. god. what is there to say?

the surgery and the chemo are behind me. there are so many changes ahead. so much to think about. so much to reconsider.

what i want to say and what i want to make as clear as i possibly can is that there is no way in hell i could've gotten through this 6-month stretch without all of you. your visits. your advice. your thoughts. your prayers. asking others to pray for me. the most thoughtful packages ever. the flowers. your calls. your messages. your letters. your paintings. the advent calendar. the hair cutting. the gelato. the outpouring, as i've said before, has been completely overwhelming.

and just to know that so many of you read what i write. check all the time. think of me all the time.

i am so used to being a social worker, listening to and helping others for so much of my days. all of this help and caring and thoughtfulness and genuine genuine love just sends me over the edge into puddles of tears. in an amazing way. and as much as i've been able to communicate through this blog...i really don't think i can verbalize how important you all have been for me. for my healing. for my sanity. for everything.

so. thank you.
and merry christmas.
and i cannot wait for 2008.
it's going to be so. much. better. than 2007.

xxoo

day 6

well, i'm finally starting to feel better. i'm not too nauseous. not too tired. not too achy. and so far, the potential side effect of the neupogen shots - bone pain, hasn't hit me. so i have two more shots to go and then i'm officially done with everything related to chemo. 2 more!

the other good news is that my disability payments FINALLY went through. i've been waiting since september. and finally, with the help of my dr. and social worker, everything got figured out. even though it's not so much money, it's SUCH a relief. with my insurance payments, my medical bills - nevermind food and mortgage...it was getting pretty ridiculous.