call for suggestions...

i am applying for this grant from the SAMFund - an organization helping young cancer survivors to move forward from their diagnosis and treatment. i can apply for funds to help pay rent, car insurance, student loans, physical therapy, lots of things.

for the application, i have to write an essay on my cancer experience and what is unique about it. any suggestions? my experience is so much my day to day...that it's hard to piece out what is unique. any suggestions?

i think i should rename my blog...

these days i relate more to something like "ihatecancer." or "cancerisbullshit.com."
















do you remember this picture of me, lynn, and willie on the beach in the marin headlands (back in march)? all of us had cancer. all of us are positive thinkers, active, smart. and i just found out that willie passed away yesterday. his cancer had started in his heart and traveled to his lungs. despite all different treatments, the cancer took control.

willie was a NOLS instructor for years. he lived in the marin headlands with his wife. i only met him once. but he was so interesting, so nice, so thoughtful, so good to talk to.

i'm so sick of hearing about cancer taking pieces of people's lives away.

next saturday

next saturday i can start to attend yoga every saturday morning. for free. indefinitely. 17 blocks from my house.

www.yogabear.org rocks.

avon

i know i have a different reaction than many to the sight of a pink ribbon - or to the sight of billions of pink ribbons getting ready for the avon walk for breast cancer in sf this weekend. there are definitely emotional reasons...not ready to fully associate myself with the disease. but there are other reasons:

"...the Avon Company has chemicals linked to breast cancer in their products! Yet Avon, “the company for women,” has refused to talk to the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics or even admit they have possible carcinogens in their products.

Currently there are 392 Avon products listed in Skin Deep, a personal care product safety guide with in-depth information on 14,406 products. Of the Avon products:

• 65 are listed in the Highest Concern category
• 291 are listed in the Moderate Concern category
• 36 are listed in the Lowest Concern category

Avon products contain eight different parabens which have been linked to breast cancer. Other chemicals of concern include endocrine disruptors, neurotoxins and possible other carcinogens." (http://www.mbcc.org/content.php?id=169)

according to breast cancer action: "Avon will be removing dibutyl phthalates from its product lines. This is a small but important step by a corporate giant. It's important for the people Avon markets to, many of who are women of childbearing age, and it's important for future generations." (http://www.thinkbeforeyoupink.org/Pages/CosmeticCompanies.html)

i know, in part, it's because i'm paying so much attention...

but good LORD, cancer is freaking everywhere. WHAT is happening out there???

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/13/washington/13snow.html?hp

it sure does pay to be a cancer survivor

i'm practically bubbling over with excitement.

through the young survivors group that i'm a part of here in sf, i found an all-day yoga retreat in golden gate park - free to cancer survivors. AND i found an organization that sets up cancer survivors with free yoga classes in your neighborhood. !!!! it is SO what i need.

yogapalooza08.org
yogabear.org

check this out...

it's called seventyk because 70,000 young people 15-39 are diagnosed with cancer every year. take a look at the charts on the website, there's been little to negative improvement in survival rates.

http://www.seventyk.org/learn/

one year

it has taken me a few days to process all of this. one year since i was spending time with kelly and rachel in westchester. one year since the radiologist called at 4:45pm to shock the absolute hell out of me. one year since crying myself to sleep, listening to ratatat.

in some ways it feels like a MILLION years ago. but i can remember so many details. phone calls to set up the surgery. the heat of the boston summer. being on the train, the plane and desperately trying to hold in my tears.

god, it's so weird thinking about it all.

but what i do like to think about is all i'm grateful for now.

-for every single person in my family - my mom, my dad, my brother, my grandmother, my aunts, my uncles, my cousins, my second cousins, my second cousin's kids, everyone. i feel so loved.

-for my friends, my friends, my friends. it makes me tear up just thinking about how everyone has helped me through this shitty year. the closeness i have felt. the energy radiating from you to me.

-and for kitty. of course. she probably deserves a medal for all the minutes she's spent cozying up next to me, licking tears off my face, and getting me out of the house when i felt like i couldn't even get off the couch.

this past thursday (the one year anniversary of my diagnosis) i had a job interview. at the very end of the interview, the woman told me that basically, she's really looking for someone with strong, positive energy. that felt like my cue. i told her that i was going to "self-disclose" - the first time i've talked about it in an interview setting. i told her that i had been diagnosed with cancer last year. and that as typical, as cheesy, as boring as it sounds...i came through cancer a stronger, brighter person. not wanting to waste my life. feeling happy and light. wanting to enjoy everyone and everything. and it's all true.

here i am. in sf. spending time at the beach. spending time with all my friends and all my family. making exercise a priority and loving it. making healthy food choices. still watching bad tv like america's next top model and so you think you can dance. (totally fine.)

what do i still need?
a job. health insurance. a new car. and i'm still waiting on the boob.
i think once i get even just the first two, i'm going to feel like i'm really on track to getting my life to where it needs to be.

so. as i continue to start this bright, shiny new year of mine...thank you. thank you. thank you. thank.god.for.ALL.of.you. my chest feels heavy and tight just thinking about how important everyone has been to me this year.


love.
love.
love.

safer sunscreens

the cosmetics safety database just updated their website and it's WAY easier to find sunscreens that are safe.

check it out. there are cheaper recommendations like CVS and walgreens...
http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/special/sunscreens2008/