almost there...

well, i've started to have anxiety dreams about it so i thought maybe it'd be time to put it out there on the blog.

i am officially set for the first stage of my reconstruction on wednesday february 11th. eeeeeeeek.

i have three appointments with a nurse, an anesthesiologist, and the surgeon on february 5th. to be sure that i'm prepped. then tuesday the 10th my mom will fly in from colorado. she's offered to come help me during the recovery...walking kitty, feeding me, putting puzzles together with me, driving me places...i'm sure there will be some scrabble, too...all in between house-sitting for my aunt and uncle and taking care of their dog, their cat, and my cousin's two cats. *phew* seems like a lot of work for someone who's retired!

anyway, my recovery period should be about a week to ten days. so my mom and i will stay down in los gatos for about that much time. relaxing in a beautiful house with beautiful views. trying not to move.

i still have a few questions lurking around.
last wednesday i met with my friend vaidya's cousin - who, turns out, is a breat reconstruction specialist in the east bay. i emailed with him and then he suggested i come meet with him for a consultation. he was SO sweet and spent over an hour explaining all my options.

i came away feeling, honestly, a little overwhelmed. mostly because he told me that actually he COULD probably make my new right boob as "small" as my current left. EVERYONE else has said they couldn't. so it really threw me...i had it so set in my head that the sweet boob job i was going to get was mandatory. which made it okay. but now that it doesn't seem completely mandatory...it makes the entire procedure feel more elective. i've spent a lot of time talking to friends and family about this new dilemma...but i just can't get the feeling out of my head. i KNOW i want this surgery. it just seems to bring up so many more thoughts and feelings now that i might have the option to only have surgery on one side.

*sigh*

now to try to get these thoughts out of my head so that i'll be able to sleep tonight.

another milestone

this is a totally gross sounding milestone but bear with me.

my hair started growing back about 51 weeks ago. that's not the milestone but...what has finally started happening is that i finally have long enough hair to get caught in the hair-trap in the shower. so weird but seeing that hair at the end of my shower has made me smile everyday for the last week.

it's totally the little things.

2009

i am sitting in the sun with kitty at my feet after a morning crossfit workout and breakfast with gretchen. and i am so satisfied. so satisfied with my life right now.

i've been talking a lot about the changes since last year. and i remember the one thing i was feeling last year on december 31st, 2007 was this desperation. a desperate desperation to have the year change from 2007 to 2008. i needed a new year. and this year, december 31st, 2008...i felt calm and satisfied and happy. gretchen and i broke into 2009 on the #38 bus, the driver saying something about new years with no one else really reacting. but it didn't matter to me because i just felt happy.

work is great. great kids, great families.
i love my apartment and my neighborhood and my roommates.
i love going to crossfit in the mornings - except this morning i had to use my ice scraper on the windshield.
i love being so close to some great people in my family.
and seeing great friends all the time.

it's all so.much.better.
let me repeat.
so.much.better.

:)

and i have a new boob to look forward to. it looks like february 11th might be the day.