well, i've started to have anxiety dreams about it so i thought maybe it'd be time to put it out there on the blog.
i am officially set for the first stage of my reconstruction on wednesday february 11th. eeeeeeeek.
i have three appointments with a nurse, an anesthesiologist, and the surgeon on february 5th. to be sure that i'm prepped. then tuesday the 10th my mom will fly in from colorado. she's offered to come help me during the recovery...walking kitty, feeding me, putting puzzles together with me, driving me places...i'm sure there will be some scrabble, too...all in between house-sitting for my aunt and uncle and taking care of their dog, their cat, and my cousin's two cats. *phew* seems like a lot of work for someone who's retired!
anyway, my recovery period should be about a week to ten days. so my mom and i will stay down in los gatos for about that much time. relaxing in a beautiful house with beautiful views. trying not to move.
i still have a few questions lurking around.
last wednesday i met with my friend vaidya's cousin - who, turns out, is a breat reconstruction specialist in the east bay. i emailed with him and then he suggested i come meet with him for a consultation. he was SO sweet and spent over an hour explaining all my options.
i came away feeling, honestly, a little overwhelmed. mostly because he told me that actually he COULD probably make my new right boob as "small" as my current left. EVERYONE else has said they couldn't. so it really threw me...i had it so set in my head that the sweet boob job i was going to get was mandatory. which made it okay. but now that it doesn't seem completely mandatory...it makes the entire procedure feel more elective. i've spent a lot of time talking to friends and family about this new dilemma...but i just can't get the feeling out of my head. i KNOW i want this surgery. it just seems to bring up so many more thoughts and feelings now that i might have the option to only have surgery on one side.
*sigh*
now to try to get these thoughts out of my head so that i'll be able to sleep tonight.
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
-Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi 1207-1273, written in 1230
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4 comments:
Not having come down yet from the frenzy of "getting the vote out" (Yay America!) - I'll vote on this...Go for the double.
Three Good Reasons to Go for The Double, by Julie
1. There's something about feeling "even". Like when one pigtail has more hair in it than the other...
2. As you get older stuff starts to go south. It would be nice if they went south at the same rate. Like if two trains leave Chicago for Phoenix and one is going 35 miles an hour and the other is going 55 miles an hour. The second one is definitely going to get there first.
3. There's something about justice. When one has been rudely interrupted by something as intrusive and unapologetic as cancer, one should feel comfortable that getting a sweet boob job out of the deal is nothing if not the very essence of fairness.
Seriously Meg,
Don't question it so much (pot, kettle, yes, but still). You met ONE doctor who said he could probably swing it, and I'm sure he's an excellent doctor, but I just don't feel like that's really evidence that you're doing something optional. You've decided not to take a risk here, to select the path that ALL the other doctors you've spoke to have recommended. You've had some really huge health decisions to make in the past two years and the stakes are really so much lower her. Just feel good that you're about to get past one of the final hurdles!
I agree.
Susan
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