i've spent the last 20 hours trying to both be able to describe my pain and will it away.
if i just don't move, don't breathe, will it go away? no.
if i take the vicodin a little before hour 4 will it go away? no.
i can't do any of my normal things to make my body feel better. no stretching. no working out. no curling up in a ball on the couch. it suckssss.
i've been in so much pain for the last 24 hours and i can't figure out why. i was finally able to take my first shower on sunday afternoon. and i'm worried that might have done me in...the rule is that i wear the tightest of tight ace bandages for 4-6 weeks. i can only take it off when i shower. and, at least to me right now, the new moral of the story is: no showers for 4-6 weeks.
ever since that shower, ever since i took off the ace bandage, i've felt this searing pain. it's not the incision site. it's the empty implant. i feel stinging all around it. and every once in a while, i feel this searing pain like a combination of hydrogen peroxide on a cut and a burning metal dowel stuck into my new breast mound. it hurts to breathe. and because it hurts to breathe, i'm all light-headed cause i'm trying not to breathe. it hurts to move. and i'm really upset about it. :(
the good news, though, is that i slept for 14 hours last night, interrupted only every 4 hours to take my vicodin.
will somebody just come deal with this for me? :)
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
-Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi 1207-1273, written in 1230
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2 comments:
if i could, i would.
:(
Hi Meggie,
Hoping you feel better already but if you're still struggling - check out some of the stuff on self hypnosis to reduce pain. If you're used to meditating, it's kind of the same thing where you can use visualization to reduce the discomfort. (ie imagine anesthetic gloves which when applied to the spot reduce the pain by half each time.)
I used hypnobirthing for when Michael was born and it was amazing. Takes some practice and you may have relief by the time you get the hang of it but I'll tell you it still comes in handy! I now regularly (and embarassingly) fall asleep in the dentists chair when I use it during dental work :->)
Thinking of you,
J
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