so...i did not start chemo on monday.
it turns out that i just didn't feel comfortable enough with the oncologist's advice. she was all about getting rid of the cancer. obviously. and had less focus on my actually life. if that makes sense.
so instead, i asked for the Oncotype Dx test. the test results come back in 2-3 weeks and will tell me whether i'm in the low, medium, or high risk group. if i am in the low risk group it means that chemo will basically have no effect beyond the 5 years of tamoxifen.
my current oncologist refuses to treat me any other way besides chemo - all because of my age. by asking for the test, her nurse said, i was asking for a second opinion. so. now i'm scheduled to have a second opinion with another kaiser oncologist who is really good friends with my gynecologist. and my gynecologist is one of the nicest people in the world. so hopefully i'll connect better with her friend than my current oncologist. that is scheduled for the 11th of september.
it's also possible that i will get another opinion from a dr. outside of kaiser.
so. that's that.
i can't remember being on such a roller coaster as i've been on in the last 7 weeks. but hopefully the information from the test will be helpful in making a very informed decision. (AND i just found out that my cousin's husband is a phd in cancer research at one of the leading oncology drug companies. who knew?!)
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
-Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi 1207-1273, written in 1230
Posts
10 comments:
Dear Meghan,
so glad you took a deep breath, stepped back, and signed up to learn more...and 2nd and 3rd opinions are a good thing. really good doctors encourage/welcome them. don't hesitate at all!
i'll keep you in my heart till the next round of information. sounds like you're doing a good job with humor - good for you!
your brother's words were so touching...he must love you so much. that's because you had such good 'fetchin's up' with Judy and Jim. Love to you all,
Linda
adore you, adore you!
sending oodles of love,
h.
Every day more and more beyond belief..the really good things and the really horrible things. Your decision seems like a really good thing. More love coming your way.
Susan
Hey, Meg, 2nd opinion sounds like a great idea, though I imagine just dragging this all out has other downsides. Is there anyone within the Kaiser framework (or outside that you know of) who has specialized in younger cancer patients? Loads of love from us all. We're always thinking of you & sending good vibes. XOXO, PKE
Dear Meghan,
I realize this is long, but I send it to you to read during your waiting time for the test results. It's helped me a few times with personal medical problems and with my son's...it's written by a woman physician who sees the whole picture. Still sending you loving and healing thoughts and holding you in my heart.
Healings for Everyone
The aroma of a highland rose pulsating against the wind
A warm bowl of ginger and lentil soup, carrot juice or a dram of whiskey.
Pharmaceuticals
Hormonal and emotional support.
Meditating by the ocean, diving in its deep cool calm.
Sipping Lemon water, so cleansing on more levels than one.
Mind having its Healing place over matter
we can all be strong and thrive.
The needle that holds life
The emergency, another life saved.
Freshly picked comfrey tea from my organic garden.
The sages use sage.
Past regressions, opening doors, easing the pain that gently slips away.
Feeling the blissful moment, consciousness in transformation.
Channelling, breathing freely, we ritualise the oracles, toss the coins, the flick of a card.
We change patterns of our making, the concious decision to heal and to refresh our soul.
Visualisation of our beauty within.
Awareness is just awareness.
These things are all medicine.
The highest energy we can muster from above, coming down like a cascading sensation of completeness. Are we grounded?
We chant, meditate, rebirth, reiki and sling crystals across our beings.
All for healing .
We eat, drink and breathe our medicine.
Lighting a candle to the flame of gratefulness.
Yogic, tantric, meditative, art therapies, elevated and surreal.
The giving of our Doctor's learnings, ritual is cultural.
The surgeons have their preciseness of skill. Trusting and complete.
Wherever it comes from? Herbalism, traditional cultural remedies, western biomedicines, chinese Traditional, ayurvedic, early vedic, siddha, reiki, yunani, crystal healing, spiritual, shamanism, homeopathy, orthodox, avatar, fox, a prescription from your trusted practitioner, or a pebble on the beach.
The aim is the same ...
To cure
Or to circumvent the tragedy of dis-ease.
Healing our Earth and her sacred spirits.
Our Universe and all that resides under and around her umbrella.
Whatever your bent or belief.
In the name of survival, growth, understanding, personal indulgences or scientific advance.
We eat, drink and breathe our medicines.
Never before have we had so much access to knowledge and learning.
The secrets of the medics are freely available to all, for the asking.
The golden key has unlocked past exclusiveness creating a kaleidoscope of healings and medicines.
No more can we close our minds
Every way is a way.
Every Healing is a success.
Every Potion that cures is a medicine.
Isolated in the lab with billions of dollars in backing
Channelled in the snow capped caves of a rare and elusive mountain top
Or randomly mixed in the alchemist's kitchen
Our medicines are evolving.
We can only be grateful that we have the resources available to gain the skills and healings we need.
Always the answer comes
Always at the right time and way.
The future of the medicines are exciting and frightening
Where does it lead us?
Do we allow the huge advances to work for us or against the good of everyone?
There are serious environmental and ethical conflicts.
Exploitations and abuses that cloud the Hippocratic Oath.
As individuals we can only be honest in our work , share the information we have and create good medicines.
I would love to see everyone work together for the common good.
For the alternative ways to blend harmonously with the orthodox ways.
A professional respect created between the different beliefs
Educational , spiritual , physical and emotional status of practitioners
With the governing bodies recognising these differences
Allowing medicine and science to grow to its true potential.
Eliminating the greed and fulfilling the planets medical needs.
Together we grow.
dear meghan,
i hope this finds you surrounded by your loved ones and laughing out loud every now and then.
I have a favor - a dear friend of mine's 25 year old son was involved in an accident and has traumatic brain injury - has been in the hospital since July 4 - many surgeries, induced coma, etc...i was wondering if you had ever heard of craig hospital and its reputation....
still holding you in my heart,
linda
Hi Meghan,
Just want to let you know that our love and support are with you, always. Though I can't imagine what you're going through, I must say that it has taught me not to take my current good health for granted. I'm with Julie on the "weekly" breast exams! I'm waiting to hear the results of your next test. Praying for the "low risk" Category. (Lauren explained it a little to me.)
Lots of love from Northboro!
Janet
Hi Meghan,
Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you! Can't say that I know all that you're going through, but I can say that it's taught me not to take my current good health for granted. I'm with Julie on the "weekly" breast exams!! Waiting to hear the results of the next round of tests. I'm praying for the "low risk" category. (Lauren explained it a little to me!)
Lots of love from Northboro. We're all here for you!!
Janet
Meg,
Don't mind janet, she likes to repeat herself,
I hope you are doing better each day. If you are still thinking about a second opinion by all means go for it. After all, its all about you, not the doctors.
FYI, I had a non-cancerous growth removed from my neck this spring (sounds like it was fun huh?)Well Eric and Mary can swap drain maintenance stories the next time they get the chance. I finally had to get it removed because the tube coming out of my neck was scaring the kids in the neighbor.
Please keep us up to date. The waiting and not knowing is tough on us as well as we are all thinking about you.
All the best.
Keith
My name is Kelli. I am the daughter of your mum's roommate in MCI in her flying days. I have listened to your story via my mum. I do not want to say the wrong thing but wanted to know you are in my prayers, where ever you need them to be.
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