can't get it out of my head

google map "noorvik, alaska." follow the river east until it stops. that is where my brother has been since all of this drama about breast cancer. he's been canoeing down that river, paralleling the artic circle, leading a group of NOLS students with one other instructor.

luckily i was able to contact him before he was out of range and i could tell him exactly what was going on and when. so prior to leaving on the trip, he asked for permission to use the NOLS satellite phone to call me a few times during his trip to make sure i was okay. we also have the luxury to text him on this phone, 145 characters worth.

he has called me three times since he left. the conversations are as clear as if he's in the next room. last night he called me and told me it was really good to talk to me and hear i'm okay. he had had a major scare that day. he and the students were canoeing in the middle of NOWHERE when a helicopter appeared. the helicopter saw them, hovered for a bit, then landed very close to where they were. patrick assumed the helicopter was there to bring in another instructor to relieve him, to bring him to the nearest airport because something very bad had happened to me.

i can't imagine that panic.

it took a few minutes for patrick to realize the helicopter was not for him. but he couldn't shake that bad feeling until we talked last night.

this whole experience has been quite ridiculous and surreal - for me, for family, for friends. but i can't imagine what it must be like for patrick. in the middle of nowhere. only allowed to use a satellite phone 4 times in 6 weeks to check on his sister who just found out she has breast cancer...