all these decisions are messing with me.
but...it seems that i will not start chemo tomorrow morning.
i spoke with sandra, the nurse from the non-profit, on saturday.
she spoke with 3 of the most respected medical oncologists in colorado on my behalf. all of them agreed that it would be helpful for me to get an Oncotype Dx test...a test on my tumor that will give the oncologist information on how helpful chemo will be for me beyond taking the tamoxifen alone. (review: tamoxifen is the drug i will take for 5 years to starve any cancer cells of estrogen.)
the 3 oncologists said that if i score in the low-risk category, they would consider no chemo for me.
the part of all of this that is a little scary is that my current oncologist does not trust this test yet. supposedly it has only been available to the public for 3 years. and she doesn't trust it for me because it wasn't originally tested on 32 year olds. she said that even if i did get a low score, she would want to give me chemo anyway. for her, my age is the kicker. i have too many years to live to risk going without chemo.
but. the other oncologists believe it would be a good tool for me to use to make an informed decision about accepting or not accepting chemo.
i'm stressed because i don't really like the idea of more waiting. the test results take a few weeks to come back. but. i guess it's better to have as much possible information as possible.
which do you like bettah: waiting or possibly not having to lose hair and my ability to have children?
*sigh*
i'll keep you posted.
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
-Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi 1207-1273, written in 1230
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6 comments:
Hi Meghan,
It must be such a difficult decision for you figuring out how to proceed. I would think the more information you can gather the better...? I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you. We're sending our love and support, as always. By the way, how are the hermits? Bruce sent them, didn't he? Yum!
Love, Janet
the more info the bettah
imho
xoxo..
the more info the bettah
imho
xoxo..
Hi,Meghan,
Glad I checked this before calling you this morning to catch you before your anticipated chemo. (Just read that sucking on ice or a popsicle while getting the adriamycin IV seems to prevent mouth sores.)
I hope that the result of the Oncotype Dx is unambiguous and allows you to make a decision that you can dive into whole-heartedly. Testing first (and having that additional information to consider) seems like a very reasonable way to go about making such a major decision as to have chemo. And it should eliminate much of the second guessing that is probably inevitable.
This is a real roller coaster ride, huh? Thank you for letting all of us here ride with you. I'm behind your decision 100%.
Hugs,
sandy :-)
Hi Meghan,
Just want you to know that I'm still thinking of you. Your intuition is the most powerful tool of all. But, I bet it is hard to access it with all the information and conflicting opinions.
Dear Meghan,
More choices, more waiting, more questions, more information...the cancer dance!
Oncotype Dx provides you with a number and a projection of possible recurrence. I guess waiting another 2 weeks to get more insight into your particular situation is worth it. Then you and your oncologist, who obviously has your best interests at heart, can make the decision that's right for you.
I'm sure it's not much fun preparing for something and then having to switch gears. Hang in there, dear woman. It's so much bettah for you to get every chance available to never have to do this again.
Love,
Linda
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