still okay

today i am still okay.

last night was a little hard. i was instructed to take my meds every 6-8 hours. turns out every 6 hours is better than waiting every 7 hours. at the 7th hour...i was out. not the biggest bout of nausea. but it was enough to make me not want to eat. or to really do anything actually. so i lay around for about an hour, trying to take a few bites of saltines, trying to drink some water. and then once i recovered, i slept like a baby for about 7 hours.

and this morning i took all of my meds. drank water. ate oatmeal. and i'm doing okay.

and the thing that really sent me over the edge into a better recovery state of mind? a beautiful package in the mail from lia. i'm not one to rattle off all the contents of the packages i've received. but there are some that just...some that just warrant it.

lia salza, now lia salza goldstein, and i have been friends since 1981. we went through glen urquhart together. we went onto high school together. i spent hours and days and weeks at her house. i remember reading all the "value of kindness" books at her house. her mother took a bunch of us to experience the AIDS quilt for the first time. we took the train to each other's houses all the time. lia, as mentioned in previous postings, was the mastermind behind the timeless game, 'which do you like bettah?' we talked on the phone nonstop. and one thing we did for each other...i don't even know how it started...we made homemade advent calendars for each other. all very time consuming. all extremely hilarious in our own private way. not just celebrating the advent of christmas...but any month we were inspired.

and what comes in the mail today? a massive package from DC. from lia. a homemade advent calendar. with a door for every week of my chemo. and inside the first door? a tealight candle with a saying taped around the edge. 'if grief or anger arises, let there be grief or anger. it is the universe offering all things to awaken and open our heart.' the project of making the calendar must've taken forever. (see above picture.) and lia's going to give birth any second now.

i just had to make a big show of it. it's awesome.

it means so much to me to have everyone thinking of me. to hear everyone's phone messages. to read everyone's cards and emails. the packages of knitting projects. the cookies. the paintings. the books. the packages with soaps and candy and magazines. the gelato. the visits. it's, as i've said before, pretty overwhelming. and amazing. i feel so much love surrounding me. just like a massive forcefield of hugs.

xo