and what i was really waiting for...

...was the reiki.

and of course, it's the hardest to describe correctly.

so, i drove up to meriku's house. she has a beautiful little house south of boulder. a nice big backyard with a small pond with a little waterfall. it just felt like a really nice place to be.

first, meriku described reiki and what she would be doing. then i lay down on her chaise lounge, semi-seated. she started at my head and just lay her hands on the top of my head for at least a minute. then moved down to my neck, my chest, my stomach, my hips, my legs, my feet. only placing her hands...sort of like the way a masseuse would start but without the motion. just healing touch.

it was totally different than anything else i've done. and a few times i felt a sensation sort of spread through my body. once from the bottom of my spine to the top of it. another time from my hips arcing out to my shoulders. not strong sensations. but energy. or a rush. or something. obviously hard to explain.

then at the end, meriku told me her impressions of my body. she again said it felt like my body has a strong constitution. that i heal myself fast and well. she also said that she didn't feel anything bad in my body. i had told her it was hard for me to do some of the visualizations i'd tried. they tell you to visualize the cancer cells and visualize your body strongly fighting them off. i told her it was hard for me to do because i'd never truly believed that i had cancer. and now i don't believe there are any cancer cells left hiding in my body. she said that was fine...that it felt, to her, that my body was going to do okay. that i would get through this and i would be okay.

then she offered to do reiki sessions on me as often as i'd like. she said once a week, twice a week, every day if i wanted her to. and then, of course, i started crying. all this outpouring of support slays me, sends me into tears in seconds. but it's so nice. and so amazing.