When the radiologist called me on July 3rd with my diagnosis, I wrote down everything he said including a suggestion to call a very good friend of his who runs a non-profit for women dealing with breast cancer: The Andre Center. The Andre Center helps people through the maze of breast cancer through education, navigation, and support. I called and set up an appointment.
I met with Sandra this morning. She is a nurse who has worked in breast cancer for the last 8 years. Her main goal is to give people information so they can made informed decisions on their health. Her goal is to decrease anxiety. And holy shit...at the end of our 2 hour appointment, she asked me to rate my anxiety (on a scale of 1-10) before I came in and my anxiety after our appointment. I rated myself at least a 9 before the appointment. And when I took a second to think about it...I rated myself a 3 after the appointment. So much information given in such a helpful way.
The moral of the story is that it's not definite that I will have to have chemo. Of all of this, chemo sounds like the worst possible thing. I don't want to lose my hair. I don't want to possibly lose my ability to have biological children. Jesus.
According to Sandra, I will have to decide whether I want a lumpectomy or a mastectomy. Then I will have the surgery - currently scheduled for Tuesday July 24th. Then I will meet with a medical oncologist to discuss the post-surgery options - radiation, chemo, and medication everyday for 5 years post surgery.
Sandra addressed all of my concerns. I'd heard about soy being problematic for women with breast cancer; she will call a Dr. she knows who has done 2 years of training in integrative medicine for his opinion. I talked to her about my worries about insurance and working; she gave me a number of a woman who's an expert in dealing with those issues who's a breast cancer survivor herself.
I still feel like...what the hell is going on here?@#!* And I feel like this is all the biggest joke. But I feel so much more calm. Relatively.
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
-Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi 1207-1273, written in 1230
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3 comments:
I am the daughter of Robert and Sheila Brudno (friend of your parents). I live right here in Boulder and wanted to send you my good thoughts and best wishes! If you need anything, please dont hesitate to contact me. Even if it is just for a girls night out! Good luck!
Allison Brudno allercream@yahoo.com
Whew! I thought I was the only one who cried in Chipotle.
(This is actually me, sandy)Dearest Meg, I am sooo grateful for your consderation for taking the time to thoughtfully post this second piece today. I feel such a sense of weight lifted (that first posting today was soooo heavy) because I hear your relief at having some choices and possible lighter alternatives. I feel the same way about chemo as you had described. (Granted, I know next to nothing about it and don't know what Sandra may have told you about it.) Wow, didn't your meeting with her give you the almost indescribable feeling of what it's like to be on the receiving end of effective, focused therapy!? Isn't it profound and humbling to actually experience the benefits of receiving help (like with Sandra)and to realize that this is what your life's work is all about--this is what you do for others? We are fiercely pulling for you, Sweetie.
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