iv fainter

Today was supposed to be so easy.

I went in to the MRI appointment so calm - or so I thought. I knew more or less what to expect. Nothing big was going to happen - just lots of clanging and beeping and lying down.

Yeah.

All until the nurse told me "take off off your clothes, put on two gowns (one facing back, one facing front), meet me up front so I can start your IV." My what? Nobody told me I was going to be stuck with a needle and flooded with contrast dye so they could "see if anything is in there that isn't supposed to be there." Well, actually, that's exactly why I'm here. There's something in my boob that definitely is not supposed to be there.

So...I sit down to wait for the nurse to stick me. Before today I have never had an IV. IVs are for sick people. While I was trying to distract myself from the needle digging around my right hand, the nurse asked me if I was scared of needles. I said, "uh, yeah. But I'm going to have to get used to it." Boom. I psyched myself out. My brain started racing about all of the other procedures I'm going to have to do. This little tiny stupid IV in my arm for the MRI is nothing.

And then I started sweating. I started shaking. I started seeing stars. And I put my head down. I started breathing deeply - focusing on my yoga breaths, counting to five. The nurse told me not to faint on her. I told her I would be fine - although now reminiscent of a ridiculously plastered Inigo Montoya saying to The Giant, "I feel fine."

The nurse had me stand up, walk to the MRI roo....boom. I was done. Sat down in the chair and the next thing I knew I was on a gurney. The nurse said she couldn't feel my pulse. The nurse said my blood pressure was 80/40 - the pressure, I've learned, of a newborn baby.

Anyway...all of this to say, my blood pressure was too low for too long that I missed my MRI window. Someone else was already waiting. The assistants and nurses tried to figure out what to do. One suggested that if I wait a little longer she could probably fit me in; she had an MRI order for a woman who was 348 pounds and she knew the woman would not be able to fit in the machine. Nobody liked that idea. So they agreed to set up me for another appointment tomorrow morning. They agreed to send me home after crackers, apple juice, and a impromptu counseling session with a nurse named Kathy who was a breast cancer survivor.

Kathy told me not to worry about fainting. She knew I was going through a lot. To not let anyone tell me how I should feel, that no one truly knows how this is all affecting me. In the end, she gave me her home phone number in case I needed anything.

And now I'm home. Still feeling a little off. And I just feel so lame. Today was supposed to be easy. I thought I was ready for today. And it turns out everything is affecting me a little more than I thought. Bleck.

The good news? After all that sweating and fainting and dramatics, I came home to a package of homemade oatmeal currant cookies fresh from Jess' oven. Thank God for sweet treats and sweet friends. xo