Yeah well...I'm actually not laughing today...I'm trying to find out who's playing this joke on me.
That's the feeling today: that this is not really happening to me.
Why do I have all these breast cancer surgery dvds around the house? Why do I have all these breast books lying on the coffee table? Why am I trying harder than normal to drink a lot of water and eat a lot of protein? All in preparation for some fake surgery???
*sigh*
Tomorrow is the appointment with the plastic surgeon to talk about reconstruction options. Should be fun.
Then there's an appointment to get another ultrasound. When they looked at the MRI results there was something a little bit suspicious, but not really that suspicious. So as a precaution, they want to do another ultrasound and possible another biopsy. Nobody thinks there will be anything. But...still...
The thought of another biopsy is not fun. (Although I guess I'd rather 90 biopsies over chemo.) Thinking of the past biopsies makes me gag. They didn't hurt. But I always thought of biopsies as sticking a long TINY TINY needle into you and then pulling it very easily out - who knows where I got that idea. MY biopsy was all this serious tugging, pushing, tons of pressure, pulling. Ug. Such a disconcerting feeling.
Anyway...tomorrow we'll see what happens.
And thank you for all of your comments and thoughts and prayers and movie suggestions. (I put a bunch of the movies into our Netflix queue already.) It all sounds so cliche to be saying...but everything all of you have said helps so much. It's very easy to feel pretty alone in this, especially in Denver. But I feel this overwhelming force around me - built of all of you. xo
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
-Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi 1207-1273, written in 1230
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6 comments:
Dear Meg,
I'm so glad you can feel the force around you. It is so real and so powerful. Keep it close to you so we can all be with you.
I hope whatever tomorrow brings will actually be a relief. We'll be thinking about you and waiting to read how it goes.
We love you, Sweetie.
sandy :-)
hi dearestness. i haven't been commenting because - stupid me - i've been hesitating over wanting to say the perfect thing perfectly. in any case, i think i have the same feeling of disbelief about what's going on right now (obviously, it's different for me but it's disbelief too).
i'm so terrible with movies...i was going to recommend the princess bride but someone already did. and then i was going to recommend ferris bueller's day off but someone got that too. maybe coming to america? i love that movie. oh, and wet, hot american summer is completely ridiculous, too. and then there are always the harry potter movies.
love you,
v
Thanks for keeping us informed. It looks like this format is working for you.
It's so reassuring to know that we're not calling at an inopertune time (not that you or Eric are known to answer the phone promptly anyway).
If humor is working for you, I can entertain you with stories of our attempts to rid the garden of a skunk that is rototilling parts of it every night despite pounds of crushed red pepper, deer repellant, netting, fox urine, etc.
Next stop is pounding in 464 18" rebars at four inch spacings along the fence.
Keep smiling and think positive.
love,
Ken
Hi Meg,
I just heard this news, and I am so sorry this is happening. I've had two lumps removed from my breasts so far. I also underwent a biopsy where the doctor couldn't seem to hit the lump; it involved a lot of painful jabbing and lasted much longer than it should have......
There are so many things in life that happen that we don't have control over. But we always have a choice about how we react to them. Keep up the fight. We are right there with you.
Lots of love from New York,
Nina
Meg,
Chris and I had a nice visit with your parents on the top of Vail last week. The beer and burgers were just not as good without you and Eric to share them with us! We love your mom and dad--they are great.
I was at a woman's group at my church and there is a whole group of women pulling and praying for you. I have seen the most amazing miractles this past year. These women have incredible power as a group!
About your hair--you never know! My best friend from preschool days had uterine cancer with radiation and chemo for one year, and one of her biggest fears was losing her beautiful long blonde hair and she never did!
I am not good with movies--my all time favorite is more romantic than comedy--An Officer and a Gentleman. Other favorites include Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Downhill Racer, The Graduate, and the Hugh Grant list--Bridget Jones, The Englishman who went up a Mtn and came down a Hill, 4 Weddings and a Funeral, and Love Actually.
Keep smiling, and you might try Psalm 139 (it helps me). Love, Amy
Indeed laughter is the best medicine. saying that as someone who had Squamous Cell skin cancer this past fall, and who's girlfriend is dealing cervical cancer.
nope. there aren't perfect things to say, or do, or even think. just go forward. that's the only way. and laugh your f'ing ass off. it makes all the difference. i swear.
thoughts and well wishes coming your way from the City of Brotherly Love,
o'maley
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